WHAT WOULD THE BIRTHDAY BOY WANT??

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#STEPH-NOTES: HEART TO HEART WITH IBUKUN AWOSIKA

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Hello beautiful people. Happy Hump day!!

If you follow me on facebook, you would know that I'm presently in the heart of Anambra State on vacation with my family. Trust me, I have been having a good time eating REAL FOOD, resting, spending time meditating and reflecting on 2015 while making plans for 2016. 2015 has been amazing in all forms and 2016 would be better but we need to prepare adequately to get the best in 2016.

I recieved a mail sometime last week from a lovely lady Stephanie Obi, which linked to an article on her website but I could not read the article then. I stumbled on the article again today on Tosin Alabi's blog here and could not help but share with you guys.

Stephanie Obi had the opportunity of interviewing the great Mrs Ibukun Awosika on a women’s mentoring initiative by Tara Durotoye (CEO House of Tara). If you don’t know Ibukun Awosika I advise you check her out. She’s a believer, a business giant and a woman of virtue worthy of emulation.

Stephanie Obi said she wrote 42 Pages on the personal development session but had to summarize it for her blog’s sake. It’s centered around business, marriage and self growth.

Below are the lessons in three solid points.

ADVICE FOR SINGLES

If you are walking down the road, with the wrong man, you are in trouble. You cannot afford to make a mistake.

Don’t get married until you have a sense of who you are.

You have to take this seriously because your life is on assignment. You are accountable to God for your life.

Your life has three parts:

1. Who you are
2. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a wife. This does not replace who you are. Your role as a wife is to help a man be the best of himself, not to diminish yourself
3. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a mother

One part does not remove the other, and it is your responsibility to work out how the three will combine together.

When you know who you are, you will know what to look out for when you are looking for a partner.

You won’t be carried away by “Rich, Tall and Handsome”, Instead you will be looking for someone who can help you to achieve what you are born to achieve.

If you marry the wrong person, and there is a mismatch, there will be a great conflict.

You owe it to yourself not to settle.

Don’t ever settle until you are comfortable that this person you want to marry has your back and will allow you to fly.

If you don’t know who you are, you can start by knowing what you don’t want, and be honest with yourself.

Don’t get carried away with the butterflies in your tummy.

When you are deciding on a man to marry:

Pick a man who is responsible and who is working hard. He may not have made it yet, but at least he is working and he has a vision.

It is not your job to give your husband-to-be a vision. You can’t change him. Make sure that he already has a personal vision of what he wants to become and is already working towards it.

Please take note of this:

The son of a rich man is not a rich boy.

He will take you out on dates in a big car. It is not his car, it’s his father’s car. He borrowed it.

His father will throw a big party for the two of you when you are getting married. This is for his own ego. The father can even pay 2 years house rent for you to impress the inlaws, and hence you might not realize that you are in trouble.

When the marriage starts, it will dawn on you that the boy you married, does not have any money.

He is always dependent on his daddy.

The day daddy does not give him money, you guys will not have money.

All the responsibilities will fall on your head, and this will cause friction in the marriage.

Be warned my daughters.

You can prevent yourself from entering trouble.

2. ADVICE FOR MARRIED WOMEN

At first when you start a business, your husband might seem supportive because he thinks it is just a business to keep you busy.

But as the business becomes successful, he gets scared.

He gets scared because he feels that you might become something else. He has heard so many stories of women who have become rich and are now terrible. He is scared that you might not be able to balance it all.

You have the power to manage this transition.

1. Don’t start what you cannot finish

Breakfast in bed
Cooking fresh food everyday

The day you become busy and you cannot make breakfast in bed, he will say you have changed and will start treating you as if you are a horrible person

2. Make your husband a stakeholder in everything you do

You must have heard people say:

Your husband’s money is your money
Your money is your money

This is bad advice

If your husband has no stake in what you do, what is his benefit? You are making money everyday and you are still asking for housekeeping. After a while, he will begin to despise you.

All this money you are making, you can’t even help out in the house.

One of the wise things you can do is to empower him.

For example, you can say, “Let me take care of the house bills, you can use your money to build us a house”

When he sees how your money is helping him, he begins to get invested in what you do; he wants you to succeed because your success takes some burden off his shoulders.

Please note: This is why you should marry a hardworking man, who will not take advantage of you because you are contributing to the homefront. If you marry a reasonable man, he won’t start spending his money on other women because you are helping out.

Money is a very sensitive topic in a marriage because it can break a home. A lot of ladies take advice from the older generation, forgetting that the generation of our mothers is not the same as our generation.

In that generation, not a lot of women were career focused.

In this generation, it is the norm for women to be career focused, and hence, the dynamics has changed, and we have to deal with that dynamic.

God knows what he was saying when he said, husband and wife are one

The two of you are one and he can bless the one through any of the halves of the one. He can bless the husband or the wife, but it does not change who is in charge.

Your husband is in charge of your home and you should never have illegal leadership because you have money

Money is nothing.
It is just a tool you can use to achieve what God has ordained for you.

Don’t allow money to control your home. If you do, you are in trouble.

When you understand this, you won’t become arrogant because you are making money.

I want you to understand this because we need to raise a critical mass of women who can be successful and use money wisely, so that men can become comfortable with successful women and it can be easier for our children to become successful

You also need to understand that your husband is facing so many things:

Pressure from inlaws
Pressure from friends

They will be telling him things about you, hence you have to be careful.

Don’t keep secrets from him, secrets breed mistrust.

If you want to invest in property, let him know what you are doing.

If you don’t trust your husband, you can keep the asset in your name or in your children’s name.

If you trust your husband, you can buy property and keep the asset in the both of you’s name.

If you have plenty cash, invest in assets immediately. If your husband knows that you are sitting on so much cash, he will ask you for it and if you don’t give it to him…trouble. You become the enemy.

Wisdom my daughters, you need wisdom.

3. BUSINESS ADVICE

What business do you want to do?
Do you even know the business?
Have you empowered yourself to make the right decisions?
Have you done due diligence…and this is not about asking your friends for their opinion.
After selling your products to family and friends, how can your business idea become commercially viable?
What pricing and evaluation models can work for your business?

As you go along in your business, it is foolish to not understand the numbers.

Invest in yourself.

There is nothing wrong with not knowing, but you have to have the courage to ask someone to teach you.

Go to Business School.

If you can’t afford it, attend business workshops and trainings.

You might think you are smart, but really, what do you know?

We are all smart, but we don’t know everything.

If you think about how many different topics exist, you will realize that you don’t know a lot.

I’m always in school, I spend what people use to buy houses to go to school.

If everybody is deceiving you, do not deceive yourself, nobody knows where you are going but you. You owe it to yourself to invest in yourself.

After you invest in yourself, the knowledge is yours, and you will find yourself in places you don’t feel you are qualified for.

What am I doing on the board of a bank? I am a Carpenter. My first degree was in Chemistry.

It is your responsibility to empower yourself with information that can help you.

Be honest with yourself and identify what your gaps are.

Invest in yourself.

This is what will separate you from the crowd.

Another thing you should note, is that it is important to treat people right.

This is how I have gone so far without bribery. I treat people with kindness, such that they do things for me out of love instead of “a cut”.

Everybody from the gateman, to the house keeper, to the driver, to the secretary to the oga…everybody.

It is the gateman you are nice to, that will open the gate for you and find parking for you when you are late to a meeting.

It is because I have help at home, that is why I can be here today.

I have delegated some responsibilities, and hence I can have time to focus on what I know how to do best.

If I did not delegate these tasks to other people, and if I did not treat the people who were helping me out well, I would have to do everything by myself.

Human beings in your life are very valuable.

By yourself, you are limited.

Everybody doing something in your life is valuable.

You lose when you think that you are the most important person in the room.

The way you make people feel affects the extent to how they can help you achieve your potential.

Love people.

Show care for people

Be kind to people.

If you work with artisans (tailors, carpenters, etc), Be kind but firm.

Be firm, but just.

Don’t become a fool, be firm but nice.

When you are fair, people will fight for you the day you make a hard decision.

I have fired a whole factory before. I was younger than my staff and I was equally pregnant. They decided not to show up at work on one day and we had a deadline.

I found other carpenters to complete the work during the weekend and by the time they showed on Monday, their sack letters were waiting at the gate.

Do not let anyone despise you because of your age and gender.

Keep your word

If you give your word to your customer, keep it.

I really loved this article and I thought to share with you all. I hope you find it useful and edifying as I did.

Do check out Stephanie HERE, She is lovely, intelligent and has a contagious smile.

Enjoy the rest of your week! Merry Christmas in advance.

Lifestyle

NEW MONTH SURPRISES

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Helloooooooooo!!!
How are you doing beautiful people. I have been missing in action for some weeks now and I'd tell you why. First of all, I'm very, very, very sorry for my absence. I'm sure you guys did not miss me as much as I did.
I hope its not to late to say HAPPY NEW MONTH. Just like yesterday we are in the last month of the year. This year has been super tough and great for me, that's a story for another day.

Few minutes into December, my friends on BBM were charging their display pictures and personal messages and I felt I should change mine too. So I used the picture above as my display picture and I started thinking of what to use as my personal message. I did not want to write the usual 'Happy new month', I wanted something deeper. Then this dropped in my spirit 'Welcome to December, a month of pleasant surprises'. Before the end of that day, I got a pleasant surprise from some one I least expected. Its very important to constantly speak positively to ourselves, even when it seems like things are not working as planned.
So folks, I have a pleasant surprise for you today. Few months back, when I talked about how to make natural hair products (you can read more about that here), I got several requests asking If I sell those products and my response was No, not yet. I have always wanted to start a natural hair and beauty care line but I was waiting for a prefect time, and the truth is there is nothing like 'prefect time' on this planet. So dear,the best time to start that project or business you have been thinking and making plans for is NOW. You can check here for some business tips.
Back to my surprise, I have finally started my natural hair and beauty care line, Whoop Whoop, called Shanyi Organics.

At Shanyi Organics, we cater for your natural hair and beauty needs using purely natural products. Please like us on Facebook Shanyi Organics and follow us on instagram and twitter @Shanyi Organics. We would be giving out freebies and selling at discounted prices for the first few months starting from January 2016, so be on the look out.
Finally, there would be a natural hair meet up on the 12th of December 2015. Details would be in my next blog post.

Enjoy the rest of the month, Merry Christmas and Happy new year in advance.

Lifestyle

KEEP YOUR V- CARD SAFE

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Lifestyle

DON'T YOU DARE

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Health

CHECK YA BOOBS!!

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Beautiful work by Peniel_enchill

Yeah, I’m talking to you, yes you, check ya boobs. I know this is a pretty awkward way to start the new month (by the way HAPPY NEW MONTH DARLINGS), plus some of you would be wondering if I just woke up from a long slumber; cause by now ~~everyone~~ almost everyone knows that last month, October was the World’s breast cancer awareness month, so this post would have made more sense last month. Yeah I know and the truth is I wasn’t sleeping at all, I was very aware of the breast cancer awareness movement, I was even supposed to wear the pink shirt and run round Lagos and yes I was also supposed to put up a post on that but I just didn’t know where to start from. I read and heard so many sad stories of people that lost their loved ones to this monster ‘cancer’ and it’s really disheartening. You know this awareness thingy should not be for a month only, it should be everyday because people die of cancer every day. It’s high time we stopped spiritualizing things and do the needful. The best cure for cancer is early detection. So back to the topic, check ya boobs. As a lady when was the last time you did self breast examination? My dear sister in Christ, there is nothing is be ashamed of here, those boobs are yours and it’s your responsibility for it to be healthy. Examining your boobs with the right motive is not lesbianism or whatever; I just need to make that clear.

I’d be a little personal in this post. First, I’d share an event I encountered, and then I’d share my personal experience.

Few years back I was at a camp meeting with my family, a young woman probably in her late twenties or early thirties was brought to the room I and my sisters lodged to pass the night with us. The room was a 6 man room or so. This young woman was in pain, in tears and agony, and then we found out that she had breast cancer. The cancer had eaten up one of her breasts and was spreading to the other one and its environs. She was filled with scars, her head was shaven, and she smelled. Some of the women had to leave the room with their children because they couldn’t stand the sight. At night, this woman could not sleep, she was crying, she took her drugs but the pain won’t just go and yeah I couldn’t sleep too, how could I. Then she started telling us how it started and all that, I was close to tears but I had to stay strong and console the woman. The next morning, her handsome young husband came with their little maybe 2 years old daughter and I was just broken. Imagine a man watch the love of his life go through so much pain or a little girl watch her momma wail and cry. It’s not a funny experience.

Now I’d talk about me. Since I was a teenager, since I can remember or rather since I started maturing and growing boobs I had noticed this lump in my right breast. I didn’t know anything about breast examination; I was just a naïve teenager exploring her body innocently (I’ve always loved human anatomy and all that good stuff). When I first noticed it, I ignored it. After months and years I’d check again and alas it was still there, not moving, not increasing or decreasing in size, it was just there. At a point I became scared, then I heard about breast cancer and how breast lumps could lead to cancer, then I became more scared but I kept it to myself. In my first year in the university, I saw a scar on my big sister roommate’s breast and I asked her what happened to her there, then she said she had a lumpectomy surgery (removal of lumps from the breast). So I summoned courage and told her about mine and she advised me to take it off to be on a safer side. I just said ok and let it pass. In my second year, I had to do a complete medical screening that involved breast examination. After examination, the doctor confirmed that I had a lump and referred me to LUTH (Lagos University Teaching Hospital) for a proper scan and surgery. I did the scan but I didn’t have courage to do a surgery, I was scared.

Fast forward to last year. The fact that I was scared didn’t make the lump disappear, in fact I fasted and prayed because of it but it was still there. At some point I was using faith to say that the lump had gone whenever I was asked but I could not deceive myself, I still felt the lump. So late last year stroke this year, I decided to be sincere with myself and do the right thing. I did research, asked questions and started looking for good gynecologists in Lagos. I found one early this year, booked appointments with the doctor and did thorough examination. After the examination, my doctor discovered that I had a lump not just on one breast but on both of them, scary right?? Then I went for a scan which showed that I had not just one lump but two lumps on both breasts, more scary right???
I told my parents and booked a day for the surgery ASAP. After the surgery, my doctor came into my room in the hospital to show me and my family the lumps and my dear they were not less than five in all. So I was harboring all of that in my tiny body. The lumps where examined and the result showed that they were not cancerous, can I hear a HALLELUYAH there? AMEN.

Those lumps were not cancerous but they could become cancerous so it was better to take them out.
Last month I did a post surgery scan and it showed I didn’t have any lumps again. Yeah, I’m excited and very happy right now but I see and feel my scars each day (mind you, they are so beautiful) but these scars remind me that there is a young lady out there that need to be reminded to check her boobs.

For me, each day is breast cancer awareness day. Remember, early detection is the best cure for breast cancer. Save a life, share this post.

Please follow Cancer Awareness Nigeria for more details.

Lifestyle

THE COFFEE THAT PAYS

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Lifestyle

NIGERIA @ 55

08:19

Lifestyle

SERVE OR BE SERVED

04:31

Lifestyle

'THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN'

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The past few days has been quite challenging and trying for me. I was sick so I couldn't go anywhere. I spent most hours on my bed reflecting, thinking and making some critical decisions for my life. I wrote my plans in my journal and reading them made my body shake and quake at the same time. Thinking about my plans and dreams made me weak, I had never felt that way before. At a point when I couldn't hold it in anymore I cried out to God for help because I knew I couldn't do anything by my power. I was filled with fear of the unknown, fear of taking the first step, fear of the outcome and result I'd get, I was scared of my future.

As usual I plugged my earpiece into my ears and this song started playing. I finally found strength to take that step I long feared.

"Walk On The Water"

You look around and staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there
Will you hear my prayer
When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water, too

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
And don't you turn around, and miss out on
Everything you were made for
Gotta be, I know you're not sure,
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water, too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid

So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water, walk on the water, too

This is for folks out there who are scared of taking that step of faith into your desired future and destiny. "The fear of what if that keeps you still is the fear that kills - Unknown".

Lifestyle

JUST DREAM IT!!

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Josh the eleventh and favorite child of his father was a die-hard dreamer. His friends and siblings called him a ‘wierdo’ cause his dreams were always unrealistic and vague to them but made so much sense to him. His dreams were deep, beyond human’s natural understanding, no one could interprete his dreams but him. His dreams made his brothers hate him, they just couldn’t understand how their younger brother would rule over them. Josh believed so much in his dreams and was not moved by the hatred and jealousy from his family. In fact, the more they hated him, the more he dreamt. Before long his wicked brothers sold him out to slave traders who took him to a far away land and sold Josh to an officer of the king to be his servant. Poor Josh could have spent all night crying and asking God ‘why me?’ and the day sulking and complaining but instead he choose to be diligent in his little corner. He was not disconnected from his source, God and before long he was spotted from the other servants by his master and promoted from a servant to an overseer. This was a perfect time to become proud and have the feeling of accomplishment but not Josh, he was grateful for the height he had gotten to but he was not satisfied because he knew where he was headed, he knew his destination.

His master's wife became attracted to him and wanted him to have sex with her but because he feared God and his master he refused. Much pestering and pressure from his master's wife made him to run away from the house. To cover up, his master's wife lied against him to his master and Josh was sent to prison. “Damn, what is wrong with me? Why now when I’m close to fulfilling my dreams? I’m close to the top of the ladder today and I’m at the end of it tomorrow, would I ever live out this dreams of mine?” I’m not quite sure but perhaps all this was going on in the mind of young Josh. In the prison he again choose to put on a joyful demeanor and attitude, before long he was promoted again. Josh took it upon himself to make sure the prisoners were fine.

He didn’t stop dreaming, instead he started interpreting the dreams of others. His gift of dream interpretation led him to the palace, he interpreted the dreams of the king and that led to his final promotion from a PRISONER to a PRIME MINISTER.

Lessons to learn from JOSH.
1. There is no limit to the dreams your mind can conceive. You are your own limitation.
2. Along with dreams are obstacles. Your dreams must be ten times bigger than the obstacles if you are really going to fulfil your dreams.
3. If your dreams does not send cold shivers down your spine, if your dreams does not leave others amazed or confused then your dreams are so small. Dream big, broad and deep.
4. You don’t have to tell everyone your dreams because no matter how long you try to explain it some people wont just understand. Their minds are too small to conceive your dreams, do not relate with such people. Like Josh brothers, they would plot to terminate your dreams. Tell your dreams to someone that would spur you into acting out those dreams.
5. Everyone has got talents and gifts. The Bible says “ a man’s talent makes way for him”. Don’t relegate your talent to the background no matter what it is. God gave that talent to you so that your journey to the top would be less stressful and so much easier. Show the world that talent you’ve got.
6. Possess the right attitude in your ‘becoming’ stage. You have your dreams, they are so clear in your mind, you can almost touch it. You are not where you should be yet, you are a work in process. To come out refined you need the right attitude, you need to be patient, you need to stay positive, you need to constantly remain connected to your source which should be God and nothing else.