2016 IN A BIT

02:00

Wow, today is the last day of this year. Thinking about 2015 and all that came with it makes me really emotional and teary. This year was the most challenging of all the years I have spent on earth, I probably cried the most this year, I was probably down for the most part of the year. At a point I just wanted to sleep and not wake up. I passed through trails, tests, temptations, disappointments, losses, heart breaks back to back without any breathing space. I suffered from depression, anger, loneliness, sadness, grief, pains, just name it.

2015 was a real battle ground for me. I was pulled beyond my elastic limit, I was tried and tested on every aspect of my life, I was thrown to the ground, wounded and battered by life's challenges.

First, I graduated from the university or college in December 2014, exactly a year now. I can remember vividly how I prayerfully planned my 2015. According to my plan I should be rounding up my service year (NYSC - the compulsory one year service to my country Nigeria) but as I write this now I have not started it. A mistake was made in one of my courses so I could not graduate with my mates. The first batch went in May 2015, I cried, became sick, cried and cried again. I asked God what was happening, I felt terrible, I created a shell and coiled into it. I didn't want to talk to any body, the NYSC uniform tormented me, I felt miserable.

I was assured that the issue would be rectified and I would go in the next batch in October, 2015 but it was not possible. I felt terrible again but not like the first time.

Next, I had a very painful surgery that I wrote about here. My junior sister had an accident that left her with a fractured right arm, she is completely fine now. I made some crazy mistakes that I will remember forever, my relationship with God was not what it should be at. I lost money, friends, personal belongings and opportunities..

NOW, enough of the sad stories.... 2015 was an awesome year, I met great people, likes of Bankole Williams, Detuke Morgan, Chinenye Nzom, Funto Ibuoye and her wonderful husband Gaise Baba, Jimi Tewe and his beautiful wife Lola Tewe, John Obidi, Stephanie Obi, I can go on and on. Trust me I would not have met these guys If I had gone for service in May 2015. Meeting them helped me to start living my life intentionally, living each day with purpose.

I started this blog this year, WHOOP WHOOP, and it has been a wonderful experience connecting with y'all. Your comments, nice words of encouragement and advice kept me moving always. I love you all dearly..

I started my natural hair and beauty care line Shanyi Organics.

I learnt better and more effective ways to tackle life challenges. I'm going into 2016 with my head high because I am Victorious. The fact that I overcame all the challenges of 2015 and I'm alive, healthy and sane enough to write this post means that I can go through any challenge with God by my side.

I'm not quite sure of what 2016 holds but I'm sure that God's got my back and I'd be just fine.

Thanks so much for making 2015 a remarkable one for me, thanks for yours calls, text messages, comments, likes, shares and all those good stuff. Let's do it again and more in 2016.

There would be give aways, freebies, collaborations, more features, meet ups maybe, better photography, better content and yeah we are moving to our permanent site, lol (shanyitots.com) in 2016. Stay tuned for more goodness and 'yumminess'...

Stay safe and see y'all in 2016...

Photo credit :Google images.

Faith

WHAT WOULD THE BIRTHDAY BOY WANT??

22:00

Lifestyle

#STEPH-NOTES: HEART TO HEART WITH IBUKUN AWOSIKA

03:00

Hello beautiful people. Happy Hump day!!

If you follow me on facebook, you would know that I'm presently in the heart of Anambra State on vacation with my family. Trust me, I have been having a good time eating REAL FOOD, resting, spending time meditating and reflecting on 2015 while making plans for 2016. 2015 has been amazing in all forms and 2016 would be better but we need to prepare adequately to get the best in 2016.

I recieved a mail sometime last week from a lovely lady Stephanie Obi, which linked to an article on her website but I could not read the article then. I stumbled on the article again today on Tosin Alabi's blog here and could not help but share with you guys.

Stephanie Obi had the opportunity of interviewing the great Mrs Ibukun Awosika on a women’s mentoring initiative by Tara Durotoye (CEO House of Tara). If you don’t know Ibukun Awosika I advise you check her out. She’s a believer, a business giant and a woman of virtue worthy of emulation.

Stephanie Obi said she wrote 42 Pages on the personal development session but had to summarize it for her blog’s sake. It’s centered around business, marriage and self growth.

Below are the lessons in three solid points.

ADVICE FOR SINGLES

If you are walking down the road, with the wrong man, you are in trouble. You cannot afford to make a mistake.

Don’t get married until you have a sense of who you are.

You have to take this seriously because your life is on assignment. You are accountable to God for your life.

Your life has three parts:

1. Who you are
2. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a wife. This does not replace who you are. Your role as a wife is to help a man be the best of himself, not to diminish yourself
3. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a mother

One part does not remove the other, and it is your responsibility to work out how the three will combine together.

When you know who you are, you will know what to look out for when you are looking for a partner.

You won’t be carried away by “Rich, Tall and Handsome”, Instead you will be looking for someone who can help you to achieve what you are born to achieve.

If you marry the wrong person, and there is a mismatch, there will be a great conflict.

You owe it to yourself not to settle.

Don’t ever settle until you are comfortable that this person you want to marry has your back and will allow you to fly.

If you don’t know who you are, you can start by knowing what you don’t want, and be honest with yourself.

Don’t get carried away with the butterflies in your tummy.

When you are deciding on a man to marry:

Pick a man who is responsible and who is working hard. He may not have made it yet, but at least he is working and he has a vision.

It is not your job to give your husband-to-be a vision. You can’t change him. Make sure that he already has a personal vision of what he wants to become and is already working towards it.

Please take note of this:

The son of a rich man is not a rich boy.

He will take you out on dates in a big car. It is not his car, it’s his father’s car. He borrowed it.

His father will throw a big party for the two of you when you are getting married. This is for his own ego. The father can even pay 2 years house rent for you to impress the inlaws, and hence you might not realize that you are in trouble.

When the marriage starts, it will dawn on you that the boy you married, does not have any money.

He is always dependent on his daddy.

The day daddy does not give him money, you guys will not have money.

All the responsibilities will fall on your head, and this will cause friction in the marriage.

Be warned my daughters.

You can prevent yourself from entering trouble.

2. ADVICE FOR MARRIED WOMEN

At first when you start a business, your husband might seem supportive because he thinks it is just a business to keep you busy.

But as the business becomes successful, he gets scared.

He gets scared because he feels that you might become something else. He has heard so many stories of women who have become rich and are now terrible. He is scared that you might not be able to balance it all.

You have the power to manage this transition.

1. Don’t start what you cannot finish

Breakfast in bed
Cooking fresh food everyday

The day you become busy and you cannot make breakfast in bed, he will say you have changed and will start treating you as if you are a horrible person

2. Make your husband a stakeholder in everything you do

You must have heard people say:

Your husband’s money is your money
Your money is your money

This is bad advice

If your husband has no stake in what you do, what is his benefit? You are making money everyday and you are still asking for housekeeping. After a while, he will begin to despise you.

All this money you are making, you can’t even help out in the house.

One of the wise things you can do is to empower him.

For example, you can say, “Let me take care of the house bills, you can use your money to build us a house”

When he sees how your money is helping him, he begins to get invested in what you do; he wants you to succeed because your success takes some burden off his shoulders.

Please note: This is why you should marry a hardworking man, who will not take advantage of you because you are contributing to the homefront. If you marry a reasonable man, he won’t start spending his money on other women because you are helping out.

Money is a very sensitive topic in a marriage because it can break a home. A lot of ladies take advice from the older generation, forgetting that the generation of our mothers is not the same as our generation.

In that generation, not a lot of women were career focused.

In this generation, it is the norm for women to be career focused, and hence, the dynamics has changed, and we have to deal with that dynamic.

God knows what he was saying when he said, husband and wife are one

The two of you are one and he can bless the one through any of the halves of the one. He can bless the husband or the wife, but it does not change who is in charge.

Your husband is in charge of your home and you should never have illegal leadership because you have money

Money is nothing.
It is just a tool you can use to achieve what God has ordained for you.

Don’t allow money to control your home. If you do, you are in trouble.

When you understand this, you won’t become arrogant because you are making money.

I want you to understand this because we need to raise a critical mass of women who can be successful and use money wisely, so that men can become comfortable with successful women and it can be easier for our children to become successful

You also need to understand that your husband is facing so many things:

Pressure from inlaws
Pressure from friends

They will be telling him things about you, hence you have to be careful.

Don’t keep secrets from him, secrets breed mistrust.

If you want to invest in property, let him know what you are doing.

If you don’t trust your husband, you can keep the asset in your name or in your children’s name.

If you trust your husband, you can buy property and keep the asset in the both of you’s name.

If you have plenty cash, invest in assets immediately. If your husband knows that you are sitting on so much cash, he will ask you for it and if you don’t give it to him…trouble. You become the enemy.

Wisdom my daughters, you need wisdom.

3. BUSINESS ADVICE

What business do you want to do?
Do you even know the business?
Have you empowered yourself to make the right decisions?
Have you done due diligence…and this is not about asking your friends for their opinion.
After selling your products to family and friends, how can your business idea become commercially viable?
What pricing and evaluation models can work for your business?

As you go along in your business, it is foolish to not understand the numbers.

Invest in yourself.

There is nothing wrong with not knowing, but you have to have the courage to ask someone to teach you.

Go to Business School.

If you can’t afford it, attend business workshops and trainings.

You might think you are smart, but really, what do you know?

We are all smart, but we don’t know everything.

If you think about how many different topics exist, you will realize that you don’t know a lot.

I’m always in school, I spend what people use to buy houses to go to school.

If everybody is deceiving you, do not deceive yourself, nobody knows where you are going but you. You owe it to yourself to invest in yourself.

After you invest in yourself, the knowledge is yours, and you will find yourself in places you don’t feel you are qualified for.

What am I doing on the board of a bank? I am a Carpenter. My first degree was in Chemistry.

It is your responsibility to empower yourself with information that can help you.

Be honest with yourself and identify what your gaps are.

Invest in yourself.

This is what will separate you from the crowd.

Another thing you should note, is that it is important to treat people right.

This is how I have gone so far without bribery. I treat people with kindness, such that they do things for me out of love instead of “a cut”.

Everybody from the gateman, to the house keeper, to the driver, to the secretary to the oga…everybody.

It is the gateman you are nice to, that will open the gate for you and find parking for you when you are late to a meeting.

It is because I have help at home, that is why I can be here today.

I have delegated some responsibilities, and hence I can have time to focus on what I know how to do best.

If I did not delegate these tasks to other people, and if I did not treat the people who were helping me out well, I would have to do everything by myself.

Human beings in your life are very valuable.

By yourself, you are limited.

Everybody doing something in your life is valuable.

You lose when you think that you are the most important person in the room.

The way you make people feel affects the extent to how they can help you achieve your potential.

Love people.

Show care for people

Be kind to people.

If you work with artisans (tailors, carpenters, etc), Be kind but firm.

Be firm, but just.

Don’t become a fool, be firm but nice.

When you are fair, people will fight for you the day you make a hard decision.

I have fired a whole factory before. I was younger than my staff and I was equally pregnant. They decided not to show up at work on one day and we had a deadline.

I found other carpenters to complete the work during the weekend and by the time they showed on Monday, their sack letters were waiting at the gate.

Do not let anyone despise you because of your age and gender.

Keep your word

If you give your word to your customer, keep it.

I really loved this article and I thought to share with you all. I hope you find it useful and edifying as I did.

Do check out Stephanie HERE, She is lovely, intelligent and has a contagious smile.

Enjoy the rest of your week! Merry Christmas in advance.

Events

NITC, 13 RECAP

02:56

Events

NATURALS IN THE CITY, 13

03:00

In this post, I promised to give you details about the natural hair meetup happening in Lagos on the 12th of December 2015, here it is. Hope to see y'all there.

Originally posted here
This Saturday is NITC13. We have quite the line up for you. This is an important time of year as it is the time before we start making all our resolutions. I want to share mine with you because Yes! there is a step above going natural and I have started taking baby steps to embark on it. Interested? Join me on Saturday where all will not only be revealed, you will be given a blueprint of how to start on this next step if you haven't already.
🌳 There will be organic (yes organic), wheat free, sugar free desserts by @organicdorothy. Come by and taste them and you can even book Christmas cakes.
🌳 There will be food by @kitchenbutterfly. My people, no be small thing. Now that Agbalumo/Udala is in season, I fully expect that we will even see things like Agablumo/Udala ice cream on the Menu. I will share a full menu soon.
🌳 Certified Health coach, @eze.onwugbenu of Creative Juices will be selling his probiotic drinks as well as giving a talk on a topic of your choice. Look out for my next few posts for a chance to choose. He used to write for my blog and wrote several posts including Lime For Fertility and the Dangers of Vegetable Oil. This is a session you want to be there for.
🌳 @sisimiblog will talk about her passion - Organic farming/eating. I don't want to say too much about her part because I don't want to let too much out of the bag. But this is very very important so please be there. 🌳 Crafties will be there! Bring the kids and leave them at the crafties stand to pick up a craft or two while you enjoy the show!
🌳 so much more to enjoy.... will write more soon. #nitc #lagos #naturalhair #naturalnigerian #events

Venue: Cafe Neo, 6 Agoro Odiyan street. Off Adeola odeku, Victoria Island. Lagos.
Date: December 12th 2015.
Time: 1:00pm - 6:00pm
Gate fee: N1,000

Follow @naturalnigerian for more details.

Lifestyle

NEW MONTH SURPRISES

22:01

Helloooooooooo!!!
How are you doing beautiful people. I have been missing in action for some weeks now and I'd tell you why. First of all, I'm very, very, very sorry for my absence. I'm sure you guys did not miss me as much as I did.
I hope its not to late to say HAPPY NEW MONTH. Just like yesterday we are in the last month of the year. This year has been super tough and great for me, that's a story for another day.

Few minutes into December, my friends on BBM were charging their display pictures and personal messages and I felt I should change mine too. So I used the picture above as my display picture and I started thinking of what to use as my personal message. I did not want to write the usual 'Happy new month', I wanted something deeper. Then this dropped in my spirit 'Welcome to December, a month of pleasant surprises'. Before the end of that day, I got a pleasant surprise from some one I least expected. Its very important to constantly speak positively to ourselves, even when it seems like things are not working as planned.
So folks, I have a pleasant surprise for you today. Few months back, when I talked about how to make natural hair products (you can read more about that here), I got several requests asking If I sell those products and my response was No, not yet. I have always wanted to start a natural hair and beauty care line but I was waiting for a prefect time, and the truth is there is nothing like 'prefect time' on this planet. So dear,the best time to start that project or business you have been thinking and making plans for is NOW. You can check here for some business tips.
Back to my surprise, I have finally started my natural hair and beauty care line, Whoop Whoop, called Shanyi Organics.

At Shanyi Organics, we cater for your natural hair and beauty needs using purely natural products. Please like us on Facebook Shanyi Organics and follow us on instagram and twitter @Shanyi Organics. We would be giving out freebies and selling at discounted prices for the first few months starting from January 2016, so be on the look out.
Finally, there would be a natural hair meet up on the 12th of December 2015. Details would be in my next blog post.

Enjoy the rest of the month, Merry Christmas and Happy new year in advance.

Personal

MY FIRST VISIT TO A BEACH

23:22

Lifestyle

KEEP YOUR V- CARD SAFE

04:44

Events

BEHAVIORAL CHANGE PRACTITIONERS CONFERENCE

05:40

Lifestyle

DON'T YOU DARE

22:00

Hair

ONE YEAR NAPPYVERSARY

23:50

Health

CHECK YA BOOBS!!

22:00

Beautiful work by Peniel_enchill

Yeah, I’m talking to you, yes you, check ya boobs. I know this is a pretty awkward way to start the new month (by the way HAPPY NEW MONTH DARLINGS), plus some of you would be wondering if I just woke up from a long slumber; cause by now ~~everyone~~ almost everyone knows that last month, October was the World’s breast cancer awareness month, so this post would have made more sense last month. Yeah I know and the truth is I wasn’t sleeping at all, I was very aware of the breast cancer awareness movement, I was even supposed to wear the pink shirt and run round Lagos and yes I was also supposed to put up a post on that but I just didn’t know where to start from. I read and heard so many sad stories of people that lost their loved ones to this monster ‘cancer’ and it’s really disheartening. You know this awareness thingy should not be for a month only, it should be everyday because people die of cancer every day. It’s high time we stopped spiritualizing things and do the needful. The best cure for cancer is early detection. So back to the topic, check ya boobs. As a lady when was the last time you did self breast examination? My dear sister in Christ, there is nothing is be ashamed of here, those boobs are yours and it’s your responsibility for it to be healthy. Examining your boobs with the right motive is not lesbianism or whatever; I just need to make that clear.

I’d be a little personal in this post. First, I’d share an event I encountered, and then I’d share my personal experience.

Few years back I was at a camp meeting with my family, a young woman probably in her late twenties or early thirties was brought to the room I and my sisters lodged to pass the night with us. The room was a 6 man room or so. This young woman was in pain, in tears and agony, and then we found out that she had breast cancer. The cancer had eaten up one of her breasts and was spreading to the other one and its environs. She was filled with scars, her head was shaven, and she smelled. Some of the women had to leave the room with their children because they couldn’t stand the sight. At night, this woman could not sleep, she was crying, she took her drugs but the pain won’t just go and yeah I couldn’t sleep too, how could I. Then she started telling us how it started and all that, I was close to tears but I had to stay strong and console the woman. The next morning, her handsome young husband came with their little maybe 2 years old daughter and I was just broken. Imagine a man watch the love of his life go through so much pain or a little girl watch her momma wail and cry. It’s not a funny experience.

Now I’d talk about me. Since I was a teenager, since I can remember or rather since I started maturing and growing boobs I had noticed this lump in my right breast. I didn’t know anything about breast examination; I was just a naïve teenager exploring her body innocently (I’ve always loved human anatomy and all that good stuff). When I first noticed it, I ignored it. After months and years I’d check again and alas it was still there, not moving, not increasing or decreasing in size, it was just there. At a point I became scared, then I heard about breast cancer and how breast lumps could lead to cancer, then I became more scared but I kept it to myself. In my first year in the university, I saw a scar on my big sister roommate’s breast and I asked her what happened to her there, then she said she had a lumpectomy surgery (removal of lumps from the breast). So I summoned courage and told her about mine and she advised me to take it off to be on a safer side. I just said ok and let it pass. In my second year, I had to do a complete medical screening that involved breast examination. After examination, the doctor confirmed that I had a lump and referred me to LUTH (Lagos University Teaching Hospital) for a proper scan and surgery. I did the scan but I didn’t have courage to do a surgery, I was scared.

Fast forward to last year. The fact that I was scared didn’t make the lump disappear, in fact I fasted and prayed because of it but it was still there. At some point I was using faith to say that the lump had gone whenever I was asked but I could not deceive myself, I still felt the lump. So late last year stroke this year, I decided to be sincere with myself and do the right thing. I did research, asked questions and started looking for good gynecologists in Lagos. I found one early this year, booked appointments with the doctor and did thorough examination. After the examination, my doctor discovered that I had a lump not just on one breast but on both of them, scary right?? Then I went for a scan which showed that I had not just one lump but two lumps on both breasts, more scary right???
I told my parents and booked a day for the surgery ASAP. After the surgery, my doctor came into my room in the hospital to show me and my family the lumps and my dear they were not less than five in all. So I was harboring all of that in my tiny body. The lumps where examined and the result showed that they were not cancerous, can I hear a HALLELUYAH there? AMEN.

Those lumps were not cancerous but they could become cancerous so it was better to take them out.
Last month I did a post surgery scan and it showed I didn’t have any lumps again. Yeah, I’m excited and very happy right now but I see and feel my scars each day (mind you, they are so beautiful) but these scars remind me that there is a young lady out there that need to be reminded to check her boobs.

For me, each day is breast cancer awareness day. Remember, early detection is the best cure for breast cancer. Save a life, share this post.

Please follow Cancer Awareness Nigeria for more details.

DIY

SWEET ORANGE OIL

23:28

Hi guys, long time no talk. Hope y’all have been doing great. Sometime last week I did a research on how oils are extracted, there benefits and stuff like that. Then I stumbled on orange oil, (who would have thought oranges or citrus fruits have oils too) and I found out that it was expensive, like E-XP-E-N-S-I-V-E. I can’t remember how much but really is it not the same orange I take they extract the oils from or is it a different strain or specie they use? Anyways that helped to resurrect the DIY spirit in me, so I searched Google and watched YouTube videos on how to extract orange oil and guess what I found all I need is just the rind or peel of the orange, the seemingly ‘useless part’ of the orange and a carrier oil. That’s all. You would have noticed a greasy or oily liquid on your hand whenever you peel an orange, that’s its oil.

So let’s get into business. Like I said earlier, you would need:
1. Clean orange peels
2. Carrier oil. This is a light weight oil that we would infuse the orange oil into. It’s best to use oils without a characteristic smell, like coconut oil so that the orange fragrance would not be compromised. You can use oils like olive oil and sunflower oil.
3. A clean glass bowl or wide mouth bottle that has an air tight lid.
4. Vitamin E oil. It acts as a preservative.

PROCEDURE
Place the orange peels in the bowl; pour the carrier oil till the peels are completely covered. Add 3-4 drops of vitamin E oil, cover tightly and shake so that everything mixes well.
Allow to sit for a week or two, shake the bottle from time to time to get a homogenous mixture. To get a stronger orange scent, after the first week, drain out the oil, add fresh orange peel and leave for another one week.
After two weeks, sieve out the oil and pour it into a dry pot or frying pan. Place it on a cooker at medium to low heat. Leave it for 5 to 10 minutes, your kitchen would be filled with the sweet orange fragrance. Allow it to cool then pour your orange oil into a clean bottle with an air tight cover.
Viola!!! Your orange oil is ready.

Orange oil can be used for hot oil treatment, as fragrance oil and as a soothing agent. After a long hectic day, you can inhale your oil and you would feel relieved almost immediately.

I hope this was useful, please try it out and let me know in the comment box below. Peace.

Guest post

LICENSED TO KILL- A STORY OF ABUSE

23:00

My name is Jerry. I never thought I would be telling my own story. Like every normal child, I had dreams and fantasies; big ones, really big ones. I thought I would be big and mighty and admired and that one day I would die, then people would write about me, about how great I was, how powerful, how handsome, how...okay, maybe I should stop ranting. I am a native American. I am that child who never had a normal upbringing. I grew up in an abusive home. While growing up, I had read in books that a man was the head of the home. This seemed not to be the case in my family because my dad was scared of my mom. She wielded such force that my dad literally shivered on sighting her. I had learnt about a perfect family in school, but I returned home everyday to see just the opposite of what I was taught at school. Several times, my mom would hit my dad with hurtful objects and dad just wailed like a baby. I was angered by the goings on in our home. I swore that I would become the man my father wasn't.

I had grown up in an abusive home, and I didn't want to breed the same kind of family I grew up in. Times past, then I met my heart throb. She was everything to me, the classic romantic. I had grown in love with this girl, and I thought that was the best gift life could give me; a girl to love. I would go any distance to meet with her. We went on long walks and picnics. Life could not have been any better. After months of heightened emotions, I proposed to Lina. It is not the proposal I remember, it was her response that stuck like a glue to my brain. she said, "I am tender, and soft, easily hurt and prone. I am naive and not sure about the future. I am not thinking right mow, but I don't need to think, my heart knows that I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Yes, I will marry you because I trust that you will protect my weakness and strengthen my courage. I will, I WILL, YES, YES!!!

We had just had our third child and we were celebrating our ninth year anniversary. We held a big party and we had friends come from all over the place. Old school mates of ours laughed hysterically over old boring jokes. My wife had had a very busy day cooking and preparing to receive our many visitors. After the long day, she was really tired and exhausted. Did I mention that for the nine years of my marriage, I had lived in fear that the demon that was in my mother would suddenly come up in my wife. As time went by in our marriage, I took steps to ensuring that I was never bullied by my wife, even mentally. I always ensured I won the arguments because I never wanted her to think that she was in anyway smarter than I was. I lived in constant fear that she would get a higher paying job than I had. I ensured I outdid her in the gym because I never wanted her to believe she had more stamina than I had. I just never wanted to be bullied in anyway. Back to the story...After a very long anniversary dinner and dance, all our visitors left us. Our anniversary nights were those nights when we had out of the ordinary sex. The kind busy couples never have time to get involved in. I had looked forward to this night for a while, only to be disappointed by these words, "darling, I have had a very hectic day and I am not sure I can do this tonight. We could do something else, I mean, something less stressful, maybe kiss for instance".
WHAT!!! KISS??? I had waited this long for something beyond the 5 minute-missionary style-lights out kind of sex, and all you have to say is kiss? Okay, why not kiss my palms. With those angry words, I raised my hand and slapped my wife. An eternity passed after that. I wasn't sure what had happened. I don't remember who cried louder, my wife or I? Sooner, my wife became my boxing bag. I went in and out of anger control therapy. After several attempts, I gave up. I was tired of the remorse that I felt after beating my wife. Was this a defense mechanism? Was I trying to be the first to bully my wife? Had I been unconsciously licensed to kill by my mother? I had hurt my wife several times too many and this time the police would make a case out of it. My second year in prison for attempted murder, I was taught to take the blame for my mistakes, but I have this deep feeling that I had unconsciously absorbed this bad attitude from my abusive home. I have no guns, no weapons of mass destruction, but I have been trained in the terrorist camp of my family and have been equipped with the weapon of anger and abuse. I am scared that my children will absorb this same attitude from me, and it will be a cycle in my family. A cycle of abuse, licensing more and more people to kill.

Kaycee Montana.