Hi guys, it's been a while. Hope y'all have been great. I've been sick for about a week, hence my absence here. I was chatting with a friend some weeks ago and he asked if he could share some traits virtuous ladies should possess according to his view or perspective and I said 'sure'. So, enjoy. 

Some people define etiquette as visual poise. The Godly Woman’s Guide, a Christian magazine defines visual poise as ‘how we carry ourselves. It is social grace, or as some may prefer to call it, class or etiquette. It is also our facial expression, voice, posture, and stance’. The first part of Proverbs 31 verse 26 says ‘She openeth her mouth with wisdom….’ which is talking of a virtuous woman or a ‘blessed’ woman as she is described in verse 28. A virtuous woman is also priceless as emphasized in verse 10. We, therefore realise that two major questions that pop into anyone’s mind on seeing the headline above have been answered i.e.what are etiquettes and who is a virtuous lady?

  In talking about etiquettes, it is important to note that it varies at different social settings and environments. What goes in Nigeria may not be same in Ghana. What is predominant amongst females of the Yoruba land may not apply to females of Igbo origin. I could go on and on but the bottom line here is that your visual poise should not go against your belief as a Christian. Your carriage, demeanour, and mannerisms should therefore, make all and sundry easily attracted to you. When you get strange looks coupled with complaints from others about your etiquettes, then you need to watch it and take necessary corrective measures because your life is an ‘open book’ for others to read.

In my few years of relating with females, I realized that those with low self-esteem i.e. those that seemed to not realize their value, had bad etiquettes. How do I mean? Imagine a lady who doesn’t seem to hold her own in a gathering because she lacks self-confidence. You’ll notice she will tend to possibly walk awkwardly or sit inappropriately which is an indication that her lack of self-esteem has affected her carriage which is an integral part of social etiquettes. Ladies, carry yourself with pride (godly pride though). This can discourage unnecessary attention from unserious men trying to derail you in your endeavours.

Who dare says how you look doesn’t matter? Your facial expression and articles of decoration seen on you at any given time can hint one on the kind of etiquettes you will exhibit. Someone dressed shabbily whose eyes seem to wander up and down on the road for instance, can be assumed to be a villager who is expected to act against social norms as expected in a city. Sulking, pouting, ‘boning’ and exaggerated show of distaste for something especially in public should be avoided. Look cheerful, relaxed and calm always as much as possible. Never point or stare, especially at people with disabilities or those who are “different’’.

This is the part I have been looking forward to. Why do ladies say the wrong things at the wrong time and still claim to be adhering strictly to most etiquettes? Someone says “oh, you look so pretty.” And the lady responds with “hmmm” or something like “you are not serious.” The ideal response to any compliment is “thank you.” Be helpful. Open doors (regardless of gender).To the men: always open doors for women. Do not ask too many intimate or invasive questions the first few times that you meet an individual. To strangers/new ones: Do not comment on personal appearances or clothes in a negative way; if you cannot say something complimentary, do not say anything at all. When the phone rings speak distinctly and politely, e.g. “Hello, this is Mary speaking.” I read somewhere that you should let the number you are calling ring six to eight times before hanging up, as the person may be busy and not able to answer straight away. Never hang up abruptly. The same article also said “always allow the person you called to hang up first. Don't be a “phone hog” as other people may want to use the phone, or someone may be trying to reach you.” Mobile phones should either be switched off or set on “vibrate” or “silent” during meals, in church etc.

This article is nowhere exhaustive of the issue at hand. Nevertheless, it is important to note that etiquettes or visual poise form a major crux of the personality of a person and therefore taking due cognisance of this fact when you meet people everyday as you live the Christian life can not be overestimated.

EMMANUEL AKINSOLA 

Have an awesome week ahead.